I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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