His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
