what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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