I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
