your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
