we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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