She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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