i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
