There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
