Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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