I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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