she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
