just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
