Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
