do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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