Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize