Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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