your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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