i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
