you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
