Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
