Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
