that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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