I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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