It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
