I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize