I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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