He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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