I never want to see another naked old woman again.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
