I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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