P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
