im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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