You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
