Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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