I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
