At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's never too late to be topless.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So much rum. So many feels.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
