i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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