Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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