I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
