im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
