why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
