I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
