I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
