I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
