Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
