I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
