ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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