I will die if light touches me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
