youre lurking in front of me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
