It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no, he came in my armpit
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
