I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
