Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
