Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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