sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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