I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
