i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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