Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
