why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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