There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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