when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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