I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
