I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize