you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
