Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The air was thick with penises
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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