im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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