Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
